I’m Not Sure Where I’m Supposed To Be Right Now, But That’s Okay

And I thought I had everything all figured out already.

I thought that once I step out in faith, everything will just fall into place and be a walk in the park from then on. But I was wrong.

Boy, was I wrong.

When I stepped out in faith, I knew it was onto something great. Powerful. Amazing. I didn’t know it would entail disappointments, heartaches, frustrations and stretching out what little patience I have left. It makes me doubt the thing that has allowed me to take the bold lead.

Right now, I feel short of a wave being tossed in the mighty ocean – not knowing what to do, where I’m headed and when it will all stop. The impulse to put my foot on the brakes of life and just go back running to the comfort zone I left behind is so great that I have to stop and remind myself on why I turned my back on those things

I realized four things.

First, there is a reason I had to leave the things, WORK, I was used to. God is preparing me for something big and much far greater than my tiny little brain could comprehend. And He Will be able to do that if I am where He wants me to be at that moment. It has to be where He has planned it (or I) to be because He is the conductor  of the GREAT PLAN. I’m not saying that He can’t use me in any place because obviously He can. But it HAS TO BE WITHIN THE PROPER SETTING for me to appreciate and understand better what it is exactly He has planned for me.take for example an orchestra. The musical instruments are arranged in a specific order and place in the formation. Otherwise, scattering them will just ruin the beautiful music they produce. I have to be in the place God intended me to be for His plans for me to be MORE beautiful. (Not just beautiful since it already is as far as His Creations is concerned. But MORE)

Second, that’s why it’s called a “leap of faith” because your belief in God will take you somewhere unchartered. New. To some, it could even be foreign.. It wasn’t a “walk to certainty” that I was asked to do. Had I known where I’m headed, it wouldn’t require much of my faith to do that because I would already have an idea, even from the beginning, if the move was something I would like to do or not. But it doesn’t work that way. Not everything in this life is a certainty. Of this, I’m sure. (WOW. Irony.)

Third, it’s OKAY TO DOUBT. I see some raised eyebrows here. But, really it is. You can doubt your self at times, your capabilities, your path. Of course you will. You’re human. AS LONG AS YOU DON’T DOUBT GOD AND HIS PLANS FOR YOU. They’re two different things. the first is focused on the self while the second, on the One who created us all. We’re not omniscient and omnipotent. Our powerlessness oftentimes are the major cause of our doubts and fears. But our God is All-Powerful. And when you have Him on your side? It’s just impossible not to feel the strength that comes from Him that casts all our worries away.

Fourth, I can be patient and wait all I want but it’s not gonna happen in my time BUT IN HIS TIME. I am actually a very impatient person. This is one of the fruits I’ve been waiting to bear on the tree that is myself for a very long time already. Oftentimes in the past, I have rushed things and made them happen MY WAY which ended up in a lot of tears and frustrations that I almost became a bitter witch. I was so self-absorbed and arrogant that I thought putting matters in my own hands will yield the results and dreams I have set up for myself. But I was dead wrong. It’s not gonna happen if God doesn’t intend it to happen at that time. IT IS ALL ABOUT HIS PERFECT TIMING.

You see, I’m not sure where I’m supposed to be right now. But that’s okay. Really.

Because I didn’t create the world and I didn’t create myself and the fact that Someone GREATER made me is my assurance that even if I have not achieved everything that I wanted. That at this point, nearing 30 (Nah, not really),  I have yet to deepen the dent I am trying to make in all of my dreams, is my guarantee that marvelous things are YET TO COME.

It’s okay to be unsure because it is not my job to make things sure, that God’s role in my life! And I can waste all my time trying to fathom why I am where I am, waste a lot of tears figuring out why things are taking so long to materialize but it’s not gonna make it come and happen any sooner!

But because it hasn’t happened yet allows me to keep the faith and look forward for the time that it actually will. When God will finally hand everything to me the way He wants it to be.

When that will be, where or even how it’s going to happen, i have no friggin’ idea. But when it does, I am definitely sure I would know IT IS FROM HIM.

That is His guarantee. And I just can’t wait.

But until then, may my patience and faith continue to be built.


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