But this has always haunted me — the feeling that I am not where I’m supposed to be in terms of my career.
Ever since I have seen that going corporate is not the only way to live your life, to make it to the top and to earn, I always seem to have a nagging feeling that there’s so much more – more than this. More than waking up in the morning, clocking in 8 hours or 14 the most, doing the routine of checking emails, talking to applicants and sending reports. More than ensuring that my growth is more vertical than lateral, advancing at a dizzying speed that I can barely keep the reins in. Of hobnobbing with the higher ups, you barely have time to check if your feet is still on the ground — I have been intoxicated by all these. BEFORE.
It was a hard tug from Him. More like a crash And it hurt. Hurt deeply my pride, ego, self-esteem. (Back then, I thought I didn’t have enough pride in me to be affected that way). I thought I was invincible — too arrogant to see that I have just scratched the surface of what it takes to succeed in my chosen career. I thought I had it made. I was meeting targets due for the following year, clients always praised my work, I can barely sleep trying to make everything work out and being the indispensable employee I thought I was. I was too intoxicated with success (success by my OWN definition) that I was being careless and insensitive. Pride was my fuel and it came with a cost.
I crashed and burned. Something I didn’t expect. I thought it was the end of me. I have allowed my work to define me. I made it my life. And when I lost it — lost the account due to unforeseen circumstance, lost clients who transferred to other companies, lost the revenue coming in , I didn’t know what to do. I thought I lost my everything.
But it wasn’t my everything. Hell, no.
It was JUST work. Okay, maybe it’s not just JUST work. But really, it’s just something. After i “lost” those, I’m still breathing. I still have my family, my friends, my life and most of all, I have my God. The God who has blessed me, and continues to do so, with all the things I could ever need. And I was never lacking even when I had no work, much to my surprise. In fact, I had so much more because this is the God who has supplied me with my work!
This truth – the truth that God can make me flourish and grow (personally and financially) is the promise that I have never let go of ever since He made me see that life is not all that’s within the four corners of corporate glass walls. There is so much more than that.
Look at the girl who has started her own NGO helping women who were victims of violence and abuse, or the group of people who volunteers to help take care of animals in PAWS. I have friends who are artists – musicians, painters who do not have a full-time job – who never worry about the ladder of corporate success and yet, YET they are more fulfilled and content than those I have seen with their own offices high up in the penthouse of a building, slaves to their own BlackBerry and laptop, because they know that success isn’t measured by the amount you have in your account. Or the housewife who takes care of the home, dressing up and tutoring the kids, minding the household chores and waiting patiently for her husband to come home every single day – it may seem like a routine but her sincere heart and love is what makes it such a joy to come home to her arms everyday.
Success is never about the titles you gain or the degrees you’ve earned. Sure, it’s a step along the way but it should never be the end of it. True success is measured when you are content with all that you have – whether it be running an office, leading a cause, paving your own career or even nourishing a home – because you know that it comes from the One who is able to supply you with all that you need. It comes after you realize that more than the material things, the ties and desires you have in this world (which He will gladly supply), the most important thing really is your relationship with God.
MORE THAN ANYTHING.
Success is when you have enough humility to call on God and rely on Him for anything and absolutely everything because you know that all your efforts will fall short.
Though I still struggle from time to time and cannot say yet that I have fully yielded all authority to Him, I try my best. And every time I give Him back the reins of my life, He gives me the success. Not more than I would need, lest it makes me think it’s of my own effort again and not less than required that people wouldn’t know it’s from Him.
God gives us the success every time we surrender to His Will.